As I have not been to Confession since the death of my poor Boy[2] I should be glad to do so as soon as possible - and if Dr Ledbitter does not return[3] I hope you will be able to hear mine always because I require a Director as much as a Confessor you already know a little of my family matters it would be much easier for me to explainp2the rest to you than to a Stranger - and being in a foreign country separated from all my friends & with so many Boys[4] to educate & manage &, whose temporal & whose eternal welfare perhaps depends on judicious management it is very important that I should have a Director who thoroughly understands English - It is one of my impressions that you are to be my Director, and as neither my Childrens Protestant Guardians[5] or even the Protestant Lawyer ever thwart my impressions nowp3I am sure you will undertake the burden - I have had a great deal of trouble in my time - Ever since I married my life has been one continued penance - brought up without any religion I married early to escape a disagreeable home my first Husband drank very very much, and died an emaciated old man at 38 - leaving me with 3 little children[6] & not very well provided for I then married his Brother which by the Laws of England was illegal - & after some little time I had a scruplep4about it, and became very ill from anxiety of mind - and insisted upon seeing a Priest, and having a dispensation or else separating As we were both Protestants of course my Husband would not allow that - but called in an army of doctors, and they decided that I was deranged and I was placed in a Lunatic Asylum near Bristol, where I remained 3 Months, at the end of that time after suffering more than I can tell you I was taken home[7] againp5and I was frightened out of it for a time - but 3 years afterwards my Husband died from diseased heart - and when he was upon his death bed he asked my pardon - and said he would rather his right hand had been chopped off than that he had ever signed the certificate to have taken me to such a place but of course I never repeated what he said to the Guardians For some 2 or 3 years after his death my health was so fearfully bad - & the charge of the business so great that the wish to be a Catholicp6seemed in Abeyance - but then I began to study again & eventually became one 7 years since - but then I became ill again & as I disturbed the people by praying for the souls in Purgatory at unseasonable hours - My Trustees[8] adopted the same remedy but they removed me at the end of a fortnight – but during that fortnight one of my Sons had incurred debts to a considerable amount - & it ended by his going to Australia - At the time I became a Catholicp77 years since. I was engaged to be married to a Protestant - & in spite of my change of religion and my illness he wished to fulfil the engagement - but of course everything appeared then in a different light - And I broke it off - although even now I have a letter now & then - which I never answer unless it is about the Brewery or business matters - In the 1st place it would be absurd for a person at my age to marry a 3rd time And in the next place I have no faith in his caring aboutp8me - If I had no income it is not likely he would - when he dislikes Catholicism bitterly - not only so - I want to form no ties of the Kind It is quite as much as I can do to think of saving my soul - and if my health were to become better I should like to do a great deal more for God than I can do now - When one has lost 2 children[9] 2 Husbands one must be made of very hardened stuff - if it does not lead you to God p9And I assure you although the shock of my poor Boy’s death has passed off so quietly at present - I have suffered far more anguish from it than the loss of both my Husbands - I have explained it all by letter that you may more completely understand my case - I wish I could abstain from such abstinence days - Perhaps I may after a time - I rise now to breakfast and for 18 years I did notp10I am not afraid that you will not be patient with me - but I require rather a firm Director - Hoping you will excuse this long letter
p1
I remain
Yours very Truly in Christ
Jemima Hazeland
Noten
[1] Jemima woonde in Brugge op kamers bij Mevrouw Claeys (Sylvie Inghels) en haar gezin in de Sint-Jacobstraat 3.
[2] Abraham overleed ten gevolge van een accident waarbij hij aangereden werd door een wagen met paard: ”On the 30th ult. by accident at Leyton Hawse, Lancashire, Abraham, eldest so, of the late Abraham Hazeland, esq., of Shaw, Wiltshire, aged 20“ (Salisbury and Winchester Journal: (08/12/1860)). Hij werd begraven op 3 december 1860 te Weeton, Fylde Borough. Jemima schreef over het accident aan G. Gezelle in haar brief van xx/12/1860.
[3] William Leadbitter verbleef om gezondheidsredenen bij de Ierse Dames te Ieper eind december 1860 tot zijn definitief vertrek op 8 februari 1861 naar Engeland.
[4] Toen deze brief geschreven werd, gingen drie zonen van Jemima naar het College van de Paters Jozefieten in Melle. Het gaat over: Richard Hazeland, Edward Hazeland en Alfred Hazeland.
[5] Deze ’guardians‘ waren een soort ’morele beschermers’, belast met het protestants opvoeden van kinderen. Volgens de Engelse wet stond de vader in voor de religieuze educatie van zijn kinderen. Indien hij stierf, moest de moeder er niet alleen voor zorgen dat haar kinderen verder volgens dit geloof werden opgevoed. Maar als zijzelf een ander geloof aanhing, kon de rechtbank voogden aanstellen die hierop toezagen. Aangezien Jemima in 1853 tot het katholicisme bekeerd was, waren er in haar geval dus dergelijke voogden aangesteld. (L.M. Friedman, The Parental Right to Control the Religious Education of a Child. In: Harvard Law Review, 29 (maart 1916) 5, p.485-500).
[7] Abraham Hazeland beheerde een brouwerij in het dorpje Shaw van 1841 tot aan zijn dood in 1848. Na zijn dood stond Jemima in voor het beheer van de brouwerij. In 1851 woonde ze er ook samen met haar kinderen. Vermoedelijk was de brouwerij in Shaw dus ook al “home” voor haar toen ze in 1845 de psychiatrische inrichting verliet.
[8] Trustees of gevolmachtigden hebben onafhankelijke controle over organisaties, zoals kerken en liefdadigheidsinstellingen, en de meeste belangrijke beslissingen vallen onder hun verantwoordelijkheid. Eén van hun belangrijkste verantwoordelijkheden is om het doel van de organisatie, te beschermen en te helpen bevorderen. Ze geven vaak financiële steun. Zo stuurden ze Jemima’s zoon, Samuel, naar een Protestantse boer om daar een tijdje te leven (zie brief van J. Hazeland aan G. Gezelle van xx/11?/1860.
[9] Catharine Jemima Hazeland, dochter van Jemima Hazeland en Abraham Hazeland, stierf in april 1857 en hun zoon Abraham overleed op 30 november 1860.
