Samuel has an eruption today - & it appears to me something like the shingles,[2] that we think it will be better for him not to venture out in the open air - I have one of my old attacks of sleeplessness, so that you need not be surprised if you hear that I have taken flight to Brussels[3] or Namur[4] I shall not go if I can possibly avoid it - but I am quite overdone - here have I been writing to somep2Royal College or another at Huy, which has been recommended to me by Catholics and then Dr Ledbitter[5] throws cold water upon all my doings and thinks it wrong to place Samuel there - I cannot exactly see it in the same light but my perceptions are not very quick - I cannot exactly see how Samuel could injure them, and as he has no faith he cannot lose what he does not possess – however there are some weeks to Christmas and in the mean time, I hope you will see him as much as you can & pray for mep3that I may be directed aright - I feel that it would injure my health to live with him & he has his own way far too much with me to be healthful for him & how to dispose of him is the Question - His Protestant Guardians[6] will have nothing whatever to do with him or his elder Brothers[7] I have no doubt that Almighty God has some wise end in view, although every thing looks so very very dark just now - indeed I think it shews there is something extraordinary in Samuel being with me now - His Trustees[8] took him & placed him with a Gentleman Farmerp4Protestant & paid Sixty Pounds a year for him – He attended the Protestant Church regularly & mixed in much society there - but the Young Gentleman took offense at something and left – so that now the Trustees say they shall never interfere any more – but they shall leave me to act as I please with the younger ones & they sincerely trust the Catholic children may have better disciplined minds than the Protestant children – that they should advise them to be strictly separated They will not do the slightest thing without consultingp5their Solicitor who is a Protestant but they are all good pious conscientious wealthy people – I have acted with them for 12 years, have visited at their Houses & have experienced the greatest kindness from them but they decline even to advise me respecting the children now – They will write upon any other subject – but that - So that you perceive my position is difficult – I wish you would have some Prayers said - - - Dr Ledbitter has promised to have some for me –
I wish I could go into a Convent for a Months quietude – . I feel only fit to lie down & die and I dont think I am fit for that either –