Here I am, at long last, able to begin a letter to you. Really since I left Bruges I have not had a moment to myself and found it hard to get time even to write to Nieuwe Wandeling[1] which should be done under no matter what difficulties.

First of all, how are you? I think of you so often and wish you had some of my running about, it would do you so much good. I think the sea breezes of old Ireland would make even you a little ruddy. I feel much stronger – after all there is nothing like one’s own country – the very flowers in Ireland seem to me p2to smell sweeter than any where else.

We left Bruges the Friday evening after I saw you & spent Saturday and part of Sunday in Antwerp a real “quaint old Flemisch city” I was delighted with the Cathedral, and thought the “descent from the cross”[2] the most exquisite painting I ever saw. I think your Flemish painters understood painting religions subjects as none of the Italians did – they ought to have kept to their Venuses Dianas Apollos & that sort of thing. The Spaniards too knew how to paint holy subjects and I saw a Holy Family by Murillo in the National Gallery in London that if I could steal I think would make a saint of me.

just as I had got so far yesterday in came my brother to dinner. My head- p3quarters while in Ireland are at my uncle Joseph’s. He has a very nice country place near Dublin. I am, however staying with William and Fanny – my brother and sister in law – for this week, and shall be backwards & forward with them – So address your letter here, I give the address at the top of this sheet. I have all my friends calling on me or writing to me and I have more engagements than I think I can fulfil While I was in London I had a letter from Mde d’Anethan saying that she had decided on taking me. She had got a good account of me from Mde de Logivière.[3] I am not to be later than the 1st Oct in joining Mde d’Anethan - I am writing so fast I make nothing but mistakes & blots. I shall be in Bruges probably about the 20th September. But you must write to me soon and not “do” me out of a p4few lines at all events because I am to be back so soon. I have done nothing good since I have made fruitless efforts to get to confession, but could not manage it I will try thursday I think I shall have time. - Another interruption breakfast dawdled over and laughed & chatted over in real happy profitless style William & his wife are like two children they make even me feel light hearted. I cried myself sick last night and have sore eyes and am a show, and my sister in law wanting me to look lovely in order to catch some unfortunate man. But the more I see of married people the less I think I am fit for the holy state – however God will settle all that but seriously the dearest wish of my heart now is that I was fit to try being a nun, and my heaviest cross is knowing that I dare not think of such a thing Oh if you only knew how wretchedly bad and miserable I am p5People think when I fret or am in low spirits, it is on account of outward circumstances, but really if I was good and felt my conscience at ease I think I could face my lot bravely enough. After all it is sweetened by many things. Sympathy & kindness help one over a rough road very well There are so many here that are so good to me, and I know when I go to Bruges I have at least one sincere kind friend who really knows me better than anybody and who bears with me in spite of all, and does not give me up – That is I hope you won’t. I am going to spend a day soon at a Presentation convent[4] with a nun a great friend of mine. I know she would like to make me like herself she is a little Saint a Sister Cecilia who sings like an angel.[5] I wish I could stay with her. I am now going to Mass with Fanny – my brother hunts us both out – he is ever so good p6Then I am going to my dear Jesuit[6] who will ask no questions and call me a “doat” and a “duck”.[7] Then I am going across town to see a priest a friend of my sister[8] who is in Italy. So you see I am going to spend very holy matinée

We spent Monday, Tuesday and this day week in London I never had been there before except passing through – it is a wonderful place. We arrived in Ireland on Thursday evening I was worn out with the travelling and sight-seeing. Now I must stop. I am ashamed of this letter, but go it must I hope you will be able to make it out – at all events try to find out by it how anxious I am to hear from you. Tell me if your going to England is likely – I am always thinking of your white over-worked looking face & wishing I was very rich & could make you come spend some time in p7Ireland where you should eat & drink and above all do nothing until you grew as fat and red-faced as a regular John Bull[9] Goodbye – Mass begins at 10 ½ – it is now 25 minutes to 11 – it is your fault if my holy brother is scandalized. Write write write.