I hope my last foolish letter has not annoyed you very much. As I told you how wicked I had been and the bad resolves I had made to give up all attempts to be good I must tell you that I was quickly brought to my senses. The very day I sent off my letter to you I received a note from Père Clément asking what was the matter with me as he had not seen me on Sunday or Monday It was sharp work on his part as he had seen me a week before and I felt when I receivedp2his note that it seemed as if God wished me to go to Heaven malgré moi. I felt a little inclined to be rebellious and to think it a bore not to have my full fling without being called to order like a child. However when I saw Père Clément at the convent he was so nice and good to me and seemed so afraid of my getting into mischief – or rather so anxious to get me out of it – that after of course some sauciness on my part and threats to go to Chanoine Donnet who would not know me from any of the other English – I could not resist grace any more but went to the Church, and of course felt in a very minutes that I would give everything in the world to have spent the past week as I ought top3have done. This morning I made my Easter Communion and I hope God will give me grace to keep the resolution I have made that I have made my last serious attempt to be a reprobate. God is so good to me that I wonder he takes so much trouble about so worthless a creature
I am very sorry to have spoken to you and others so unkindly as I have about Père Clément I cannot tell you the trouble he takes to make me good, and when I think how you have done the same and have shewn the same compassion for my poor soul I cannot but think that I must try to co-operate with so much true and disinterested charity and zeal
& my dear Father, dop4write me if only a line to say that you are not too fretted about my last letter and that you forgive me for causing the pain I fear it must have caused you. I am so sorry I told you about those wretched books, but all that is over, and I will never open anything of the kind again Do not think me too presumptious; I will pray hard that I may keep at least that resolution – the mere fact of being a lady not to speak of being a Christian ought quickly to disgust me with such scavenger’s stuff. I was sent an English novel the other day, I am reading it and though it is nothing wonderful; it is like breathing pure country air after some horrid pestilential hole
The boys[1] are wonderfully good and obedient. Theirp5father came home to-day and I had a good account to give of them – on which the eldest qui est plus malin que bête told his father that “Mademoiselle aussi s’est très bien conduite which upset Monsieur’s gravity, however he seemed pleased that we were all such good friends. They are overpoweringly affectionate but I suppose – the great thing is to make them like me. Their eldest sister wrote to me to-day to announce her engagement to a Russian gentleman. He is of the Greek Church, but very orthodox as to money. She is a very good girl and deserves a good fate. She & Madame come back on Monday. She is not to be married until November. I wonder am I to stay here. For some reasons I wish it, but for others the placep6is not pleasant. Madame is my great draw-back.
Do write if, as I say, only a line. I am really afraid you must lose all hope of me and that you are displeased with me. I know these are your busy days, but let me hear from you on Monday or Tuesday I hope your sister continues getting stronger.
