Near Drogheda
Ireland
A happy happy new year to you, and many returns of it in this life – and then the never ending happy ones of Heaven where God grant we may see eachp2other. You will I hope have no objection to this last wish though you do seem determined to cut my acquaintance. Though it may not be very flattering to my amour propre I hope most sincerely your silence has been caused by your having forgotten me, or not caring about me, and not by over-workp3ill-health or anything else disagreeable to you. I would really give anything to hear from you and to know how the world goes with you. Perhaps if I could get up some great “case of conscience” to consult you about, you would write to me, but alas! having very little cons cience left me. I cannot consult anyone about it. I took it into my head a short time since, I ought to try to be a nun. When I approached the subject with Father Frank – he, though a very polite jesuit, told mep4“to go to the –––––– ” and everyone here tells me I have not a-bit of “nun’s flesh” in my composition. Joking apart, I have often felt since I came over, how hard it is to serve God in the world. Ireland is a terribly dissipating place and I so love it. I am sure I often make a goose of myself – it is so hard to remember one is old and passée when people seem bent on making you forget it – and after stiff Belgium where there seems to be nothing between rigid coldness and the other extreme, Irish “flirtation”p5is pleasant, if even a wee bit bewildering But I am trying to be very good and sensible, and to mind my work. I have one draw back since I came here. It is the difficulty of going regularly to the sacraments Being in the country of course makes it difficult, and when I went up to Dublin at Christmas to spend ten days I had to mind my brother‘s house as my sister in-law had just had her first baby. I had to nurse it of course – my first niece born on the 8th of December, was not that nice? That with other things made much piety out of the question and here I am back trusting to chance for even fortnightly confession Oh it is all hard work and I wish I could get up the courage to put myselfp6decidedly under God’s yoke. But if that is not God’s will I can do nothing It is by no grand straight way I am to go to Heaven, but by a horrid mean good for nothing straggling kind of way. Well, pray for me do that I may grow strong and firm of purpose, for I see every day how little is worth caring for, depending on, except Dieu seul
Do write, and tell me you wish me a happy new year, and that you remember me and pray for me I give you something to write, so do not say you had nothing to write about.
I have just had news from Bruges. It appears Mr Laude the librarian of the Hotel de ville is dead. I did not know him, but for Papa‘s sake I am sorryp7I hope he died as a Christian
Good bye, give my love to your sister, who, I hope, is getting strong. Take care of yourself; do not work too hard. Is there ever a chance of your getting a little change of scene? If you do write to me, will you give me a little information on one point – is not a contemplative life more perfect than a religious active one? I am always doing battle here for the contemplatives It is astonishing how few even good Catholics can relish the idea of a life devoted chiefly to prayer & penitence When I quote Mary & Martha I am told Martha was the woman of the world & not the active nun.[1] I say she was working for our Lord & yet he gave thep8preference to her who sat apparently idle at His feet. Few can be contemplatives but those few are in a more perfect state, more united to God than those who work actively for him though they are in a grand & noble state. Are my ideas just? I wish you would tell me. A pious young Gentleman here is to shew me something in Rodriguez[2] against my views, but he has not found it yet – I would like too to influence another that has I think a fight going on in himself on the matter. I so envy holy people & always wish to give them a “shove up” Do not think there is any nonsense in all this. It is all in the way of my business, and as I have to talk about such things. I would rather talk*p1what is true than what is false. But here I am crossing my letter Forgive me that as you have much more,
Turn over
Oh I must tell you the other day I mentioned your name to Father Frank “Do you know” he said “I think you are very fond of that Father Gezelle “oh I dote on him”[3] I said “I guessed as much said the other and he quizzes me in great*p3style about “my dear Gazelle” – mixing you up with the quadruped that Eastern ladies are so fond of
