Here I am again going to try your patience with one of my epistles.

I left Bruges hurriedly I had not time to come and tell you I had received the intelligence of the death of a very old acquaintance (I cannot call him friend) of my husbands a person who caused me much trial but also of late years greatp2services[1] in kind attention to my boys[2] they have lost a friend I have buried a cross, though his death for the time being has caused me much sorrow opening up old wounds which would willingly be effaced mixed up as he was in many pages of my past life but he has gone! & whither? “What we know not now we shall know hereafter” — I have had Mass said for him have prayedp3for him & now may his “soul rest in peace”. —

Poor Fred was sent home ill to my Bedroom I was out had gone to see George and on my return found Fred in my bed very ill indeed sent for the doctor & it turned out to be Small Pox. I had to take him to the Hospital as they would not allow me to keep him in the house he is there now poor boy I went to visit him yesterdayp4I took the precaution to be vaccinated yesterday in case I took it myself if I do I shall just go to the Hospital too There are a number in the same room with Fred one poor soul dying and his features hardly like a human beings What a world! —

Poor dear Freddy my favorite child if I have an idol left it is he God grant this is not another trial in store though surely I can say now that Prayer from the lips of our dear Lord “Thy will be done” though I cannot help cryingp5and I may cry adverse things cannot fail to give pain to the senses and as long as we are here we long for sympathy at least frail beings such as myself I don’t suppose you do or can even understand that I should. I feel lonely and can well understand Jesus Christ when entering upon his Passion making known his sorrows to his disciples even in my trivial sorrow I feel borne down for the time. I can give vent in Prayerp6I feel our Lord knows the heart & its bitterness and there comes moments of calm & resignation too sweet for utterance.

I am quite alone in retreat! as no one comes near me in case of infection! but I don’t know many people My world is becoming narrow I am close to the Dominican Monastery at Haverstock Hill enjoying the Sermons and envying the Monksp7& Nuns - romancing on the delights of convent life I don’t know when I will see old Bruges again

Fred has cost me a good deal 2 guineas for his entrance fee to the Hospital to begin with you will say oh! “she is always on the grumble” & so she is well I will stop and if you like to indulge me do so & write to me.p8and above all pray for dear Fred poor boy he is so good. I asked Father Sebastian (a passionist) to go to him Now I am sure you are glad I am finished!