Westbourne Park
Bayswater.
Your welcome letter has been forwarded to me here. I returned from Scotland last Friday weary with life & self more weary still. had much fresh sorrow but the heavier the cross nearer to God so why complain. but I have heard so much wickedness since I came here & in Scotland it makes one shudder how peoplep2can dare to sin as they do ignorance is bliss happy those whose lives are removed from the busy throng & hear & see nothing!.
I went immediately to see poor Mary it is a long way off from here & cost me 1/6d[1] so I told her I could not come often she is stouter than ever a face like a Moon! - It is not a school she is a nurse girl but the ladyp3is not going to keep her she says Mary is not competent enough for her post. Poor child What is to be done? I am going to look out for her in this neighbourhood she has 25 frcs per month but has not been there a month yet consequently has received no money but she will pay back her passage money as soon as she possibly can I have left my address with her that shep4may write to me from time to time & let me know when she has to leave that I may see after her. I questioned her about the Nuns there was nothing very far amiss only that her Ladyship did not like being there & would not remain she became impatient & demanded to have a situation & the Nuns told her she had a bad temper! — I know myself those Nuns have not much patience they expect perfection & that they are not themselves! but of course I lectured Mary however, what will do her mostp5good will be to be left to her self for a bit & taste a little of the stern realities of life & that the best help is self. The Protestant servants do all they can to set her against her faith & she says she can’t go to confession in English I told her to tell this to the Priest at the convent & he would find an opportunity for her going in French if not I will see to it by & bye.[2] She frets because you don’t write pleasep6don’t let her lose heart I am sorry for the girl but I suppose she must have a portion of the cross as well as others she thinks she has “much grief” & I daresay it is as great as she can endure for the time she wishes herself at her mothers again poor soul I left her cheerful smiling through tears and a promise to be her friend I will try & get her among catholics in this neigbourhood as a nurse girl where twop7are kept. I have already spoken to a catholic Lady who has promised me to do what she can on her behalf.
And now on the other subject of your letter. as regards your poor convert[3] I feel for her position but if she is prudent herself she may bring her Husband round again I suppose something has scandalized him? — Do you know who they are? Is shep8a Lady? — and could she appreciate the services of one!! - because I am not humble enough to be considered as a menial[4] I don’t mind what I do provided I am treated as an equal. though I am poor my position is equal to that of a Lady and I think this is only proper pride you know dear father I have found by experience it does not do to be too humble or you get imposed upon! perhaps you can’t agree with me?- in this arguement —p9as far as looking after the children, the house &c I am quite able but I have little or no experience in the other matter. I was never with any one but Mrs Waterton but if she likes to risk it I would be willing enough to come to her. I think I could undertake provided she is agreeable but distinctly let her understand I am not a nurse for such occasions & thenp10she can decide for herself. I could look to the infant take charge of it for the time & nurse her &c if she would be satisfied with one who is not a regular nurse I daresay she would not be disappointed it generally ends in doing more than I profess to do. I am just here resting on my oars at present and ready for action any where! —p11When is she going to take a house. & when would she like me if I do join her & I would leave it with you to make some arrangement as regards time, renumeration &c -
I must be deeply in debt to you for postage stamps however I will wipe off the score at a future date Pray for me dear fatherp12that I may not be disappointing our Lord in my life for it is such a queer mixture I dare not think too much about it & yet every year brings us nearer the end of the Chapter
May the next year be an improvement is all I can pray for.