Bruges
I am disappointed that you cannot receive my Confession & willing to go to Mr Fait before I leave for Germany but will he hear me?[1] You know my state of health & that I cannot take much bodily trouble in the matter - I am an advocate for Confession and Holy Communion - but still I believe one good Confession & One Good Communion is better worth than 50 made in a formal manner And it does not necessarily follow that each time one receives Holyp2Communion we have an increase of Grace - I believe it is frequently an increase of Condemnation - And after all Confession to Man is secondary consideration. I always accept it when I meet with an opportunity - but unless I could meet with a person who understands English thoroughly - and who would take sufficient pains to understand me - I would rather wait & abstain altogether Almighty God can provide me one here as well as in England in his own time - I never make myself uncomfortable about dying without the Sacraments - I have an abandunce[2] of faults, I am passionate & selfwilled & indolent and so many more I could not finish the cataloguep3but I think that perhaps, in regard to bodily affliction, or even mental suffering - my Will is more conformed to the Will of God than some others I believe I can say - from my heart Father of love thou knowest best what discipline to choose for me whether of sickness or of health Of loneliness or sympathy - I have obtained my passport for Germany & should I feel that I can with safety go, I shall leave before the 24th of this Month[3] but I shall not undertake the whole journey in one day & whether I ever return to Bruges is of course one of those events one cannot foresee - I keepp4on my rooms - Will you ask Mr Fait if he will hear my Confession before I leave and let me know - I suppose you and Mr Saffenreuter will call and say Farewell - & that there is no impediment to your giving me your blessing - Have I ever given you the enclosed before?[4] I think not - It does not always follow - that people who speak & write in praise of obedience are the most obedient - It was foretold that I should not remain a Catholic 6 Months - but you see - People did not understand me -
I dare say you will say that it is not conformity to the Will of God to refrain from Confession and Holy Communion – and that I have nothing to do with the Sins of those who go frequenty – & do not amend – & that I am hued 3 parts a Protestant –
I know I have an immense amount of Protestant feeling lingering in me and I believe it is doubtful if some of my protestant prejudices expire, until I expire myself – but believe me they are not to be driven out – by force –
p6Oh Mother dearest Mother say say
what shall I do –
To shew my love unto my Saviour is
deep, and strong & true,
Oh Gladly would I die for him who
died my Soul to save
From Satan’s power in that dreadland
which lies beyond the grave
Blessed Virgin –
To prove thy love for God my Child
obedient thou must be
And “Hear the Church” have no selfince[6]
obey implicitly –
The Bischops, Priests & Teachers, God
had placed in power over thee
Then that dreadland my dearest
Child thou shalt never never see
p8Oh Mother dearest Mother will
thou pray that I may stand -
In the dreadful day of Judgement
at Almighty God’s right hand
May enjoy the soft sweet perfume
of that bright celestial shore
And hear the sweet birds singing
Love thy God for evermore
That land were charms unnumbered are
Sweet flowers sweet streams sweet trees
Sweet Saints Angels harping their rich
heavenly melodies –
Sweet Mother to that land so bright
Oh pray that I may come
Then meet me at the Portal and
conduct me to thy Son –
p9The pathway to that land my Child is
thickly strewn with bricks
Each form of earthly suffering above
penitential fires
Thy appointed sufferings borne with
patience will bring thee to that goal
A Child of Father Son & spirit
a redeemed & ransomed soul –
my fond confiding Child -
I will pray thy God to bless thee
and keep thee pure & undefiled
I will pray that thou mayest love the poor
And sinners yearn to save –
Then I’ll fetch thee to that happy land
Which lies beyond the grave –